The importance of being hated

The Importance of Being Hated
In this golden age of enmity, friends are for suckers. What you need are a pair of well-chosen foes.
by Chuck Klosterman | Apr 01 '04

"It's not what you know," they say. "It's who you know." We have all heard this sentiment, and we all reflexively agree with it. This is because "they" are hard to debate, especially since "they" never seem to be in the room whenever anyone makes reference to them. Yet they have a secret shame, and it's a shame they can't deny: They are losers. They are failures. They don't realize that life is—almost without exception—an absolute meritocracy, and everyone who succeeds completely deserves it.* The only people who disagree with this are people who will never succeed at anything. You see, "they" want you to believe the passageway to power is all about cultivating allies, so they spend all their time trying to make friends and influence people. And this is why they fail. It rarely matters who is on your side; what matters is who is against you. Unlike Gloria Loring, you don't need a friend and you don't need a lover. What you need is a) one quality nemesis, and b) one archenemy. These are the two most important characters in the life of any successful human. We measure ourselves against our nemeses, and we long to destroy our archenemies. Nemeses and archenemies are the catalysts for everything.
 
Now, I know that you're probably asking yourself, How do I know the difference between my nemesis and my archenemy? Here is the short answer: You kind of like your nemesis, despite the fact that you despise him. If your nemesis invited you out for cocktails, you would accept the offer. If he died, you would attend his funeral and—privately—you might shed a tear over his passing. But you would never have drinks with your archenemy, unless you were attempting to spike his gin with hemlock. If you were to perish, your archenemy would dance on your grave, and then he'd burn down your house and molest your children. You hate your archenemy so much that you try to keep your hatred secret, because you don't want your archenemy to have the satisfaction of being hated. 

If this distinction seems confusing, just ask your girlfriend to explain it in detail; women have always intuitively grasped the nemesis/archenemy dichotomy. Every woman I've ever known has had at least one close friend whose only purpose in life is to criticize her actions, compete for the attention of men, and drive her insane; very often, this is a woman's best friend . Every woman also has a former friend (usually someone from high school with large breasts) whom she has loathed for years (and whom she will continue to loath with the intensity of a thousand suns, even if she sees her only once every ten years). This is her archenemy. Women intrinsically understand human dynamics, and this makes them unstoppable. Unfortunately, the average man is less adroit at fostering such rivalries, which is why most men remain average. Males are better at hating things that can't hate them back (e.g., lawn mowers, cats, the 1986 Denver Broncos, et cetera). Most men fail to see a world beyond themselves; if given the choice, they would connect themselves to nothing. But greatness cannot be achieved in a vacuum, and great people know that.
In the 1980s, Larry Bird's nemesis was Magic Johnson, and it was always beautiful when they tangled. But Bird's archenemy wasn't Magic; it was Isiah Thomas. When the Celtics played the Pistons, it was a train wreck, and it went deeper than basketball: In 1987, Isiah supported Dennis "Rush" Rodman when he claimed Bird was famous only because he was white. Larry forgave Isiah in public, but he still iced him in the end; the first thing Bird did after becoming president of the Pacers was fire Zeke as head coach. Steve Jobs is Bill Gates's nemesis, but if Gates had only one bullet in his revolver, he'd shoot David Boies. J. R. Ewing was at war with nemesis/brother Bobby for twelve seasons (thirteen if you count the year Victoria Principal dreamed he was dead), but Cliff Barnes was the true Minotaur of Southfork. Jack White turned Von Bondies singer Jason Stollsteimer's face into a speed bag, but Stollsteimer barely even deserves nemesis stature; White's archenemy is Ryan Adams (although he'd be better off if it were Julian Casablancas of the Strokes). The Joker was Batman's nemesis, but—ironically—his archenemy was Superman, since Superman made Batman seem entirely mortal and generally nonessential. Nobody likes to admit this, but Batman hated Superman; Superman is the reason Batman became an alcoholic. **

This fall, George W. Bush will seek reelection, and whoever the Democrats end up nominating will become Bush's "nemesis by default" (although not his true nemesis; that will always be John McCain). But none of the candidates has a shot at becoming Bush's archenemy; that designation is inflexible. W's archenemy is Bill Clinton (mostly because Bill beat up his dad in '92). George W. Bush will never face the man he hates most; this is why George W. Bush will never achieve greatness. However, when we get to 2008—when Clinton's wife faces the little brother of her husband's archenemy—it will be a bloodbath. When the families of archenemies collide, skulls get pounded into pulp. Jeb–Hillary will be like Frazier–Ali III.
I was sitting in the passenger seat of my nemesis's Buick Skylark when he punched me in 1992; I jacked his jaw at a keg party in '94. These days I mostly just read his blog, although we did have a pressure-packed lunch at the Fargo Olive Garden over Christmas. Meanwhile, I've had the same archenemy since eighth grade: He's a guy named Rick Helling, and he grew up in Lakota, North Dakota. Last year, Helling pitched a few innings for the Marlins in the World Series; in 1998, he won twenty games for the Rangers. I went to basketball camp with Rick Helling in 1985, and he was the single worst person I'd ever met. Every summer, I constantly scan the sports section of USA Today , always hoping that he got shelled. This is what drives me. I cannot live in a world where Helling's career ERA hovers below 5.00, yet all I do for a living is type . As long as Rick Helling walks this earth, I shall never sleep soundly.

I realize there are those who don't think it's necessary (or even wise) to consciously create adversaries; Will Rogers claimed that he never met a man he didn't like. But what is Will Rogers famous for, really? For telling jokes that don't have punch lines? For wearing a bandanna like an ascot? Who wants that for a legacy? There is a reason they say, "Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer." Granted, "they" usually don't know what they're talking about, but sometimes "they" get lucky, you know?

*The exceptions being Dale Peck, MTV on-air personalities who aren't Kurt Loder, Al Franken, and myself.
**This is speculative.
HOW TO MAKE ENEMIES As the accompanying essay makes clear, you'll need a nemesis and an archenemy if you wish to be successful in this world. The good news is, it's entirely possible that you already have each of these entities in your life; perhaps you just don't realize it (or maybe you can't tell them apart). As a public service, here are a few signs.
RECOGNIZING YOUR NEMESIS
•At some point in the past, this person was (arguably) your best friend.
•You have punched this person in the face.
•If invited, you would go to this person's wedding and give him a spice rack, but you would secretly hope that his marriage ends in a bitter, public divorce.
•People who barely know both of you assume you are close friends; people who know both of you intimately suspect that you profoundly dislike each other.
•If your archenemy tried to kill you, this person would attempt to stop him.
RECOGNIZING YOUR ARCHENEMY
•Every time you talk to this person, you lie.
•If you meet someone who has the same first name as this person, you immediately like him less.
•The satisfaction you feel from your own success pales in comparison to the despair you feel at this person's triumphs, even if those triumphs are completely unrelated to your life.
•If this person slept with your girlfriend, she would never be attractive to you again.
•Even if this person's girlfriend was a hateful bitch, you would sleep with her out of spite.

Five phases of social business maturity by Econsultancy

Five phases of social business maturity 

I quite like this article by Econsultancy on social business maturity... It shows actually how companies know what stage they are at, how to recognise when you are ready to move on and how to actually encourage social media growth and capability to allow them to move through the stages.

"We define the journey not in terms of what you’re doing inside your business, but rather in terms of what you are creating for your customer.  I think we’d all agree that, before there was a social business, there was a social customer." 

Gazette - allez les bleus!

So tonight, as my son is away, my husband and I decided to have a little date night...


We were going to go to the very delicious French, family-run, Chez Manny in Battersea High St which we like a lot but decided at the last minute to try another French Battersea restaurant called Gazette, just off the river in Sherwood Court.




Firstly, obviously had to get dressed up - which was a little strange on a windy, rainy Monday night. I had bought a dress based on a blog post by The Londoner at the Tatler Restaurant Awards - this bodycon uber short black dress from Missguided.  A total bargain to boot.

I styled it with a belt and leggings as it was super cold out and only a Monday. Shoe wise - some platform black studded shoeboots. I combined all that with big eyelashes, messy hair and some metallic eye shadow. The photo is a bit blurry - its a super flattering dress though...

The restaurant is tucked away down by the river and is very unassuming. It is genuinely surprising how lovely the interiors are when you walk in - brushed concrete walls, some rendered cream, blackboard tables with chalk so you can draw on them and a big wooden bar.  There is a fantastic upstairs space too with a glass private room for up to 12 people.  They also had colouring books and kids chairs/kids menus for the smaller guests.

The atmosphere was pretty buzzy as they had been showing the England v France football match, and quite a few tables were still there. These included a super civilized bunch of French football fans, 5 blokes about 26-28 who after the match had stayed for a steak, red wine and cheese board. This was a far cry from the English fans you normally see who are drunk on beer and eating kebabs...

After a well earned Gordons N Tonic, we tucked into some seriously good classic French food - with some unusual twists in some dishes.

 

To start, we had a trio of terrines to share: Foie Gras, Campagne rustic and Pork Head - I was so excited about eating it that I forgot to take a picture til it was half eaten.  The Foie Gras was everything that you could hope for from it; rich, creamy and tasted slightly of honey, and was complemented by a pear chutney you can see top left in the picture.  The Pork head was set in aspic and was great to try and some of the meat was truly scrumptious but it wouldn't be my first choice if I were there again. To coin a phrase, I couldn't eat a whole one!  The Campagne terrine was another hit, tasting a little like the inside of a Toulouse sausage or a course Ardennes pate with lots of hers.  They served a generous portion of delicious bread and some seriously wonderful French butter as well.


Then to the mains... We both opted for Steaks. Me, a Rib Eye, medium rare. My husband, a fillet Chateaubriand cut, blue and made utterly decadent by the addition of a golden fried slide of Foie Gras. 2 portions of Foie Gras in one meal... the man is an addict! Fries with Bearnaise sauce and some delicious baby spinach with garlic finished up our feast. Mine was a tiny bit less rare than I like - I did ask for French rare but got more of a medium to be honest but it was perfectly seasoned.  The bearnaise and fries were home made and utter perfection - crispy, creamy and totally yummy.

To drink, we had a carafe of utterly fruity Bordeaux which was superbly reasonably priced and very, very smooth.  The staff were quite French and funny - sometimes humorous, and sometimes a little shirty, but I love that in a French restaurant! It doesn't feel authentic if the staff are all polite and British about things!  To finish up what was a pretty huge meal, we skipped dessert and just had a wonderful coffee before wandering home for a whiskey and  some music.  It was very much like what we used to do regularly before our son came along to make us sensible adults.

Definitely well worth a visit (they have a branch in Balham too), I would certainly recommend Gazette.  They also do Sunday Lunches that are to die for and have lots of special events like Moules Tuesdays, Bastille Day parties and crab season specials.  A real local Battersea hidden gem of a restaurant and bar, I will be back... regularly.

How to avoid hipsters in London...

Just in case you wondered where to hang out in London but really are adverse to hipsters lurking around in skinny weird trousers and seasonally inappropriate hats, here is a quick guide to the areas of London graded by cost and hipster-ness courtesy of Hostelbookers.com

If you want to know how to identify a hipster, try this guide of how to be a hipster

They think its all over...
I was reading this very to the point Huff Post article by Julia Plevin on "Who's a Hipster?" where she proclaims "the definition of "hipster" remains opaque to anyone outside this self-proclaiming, highly-selective circle" - which seems eminently true and also that most hipsters are in hipster-denial and that potentially, finally, after 70 years of being fairly pointlessly subversive by wearing a lot of plaid and glasses, and sometimes just being downright obtuse, the hipster may finally be dead.

Google Search Coverage Maps - How many searches???

Video demonstrating the newer Google Search Coverage Map...